It's Been Awhile.

My my. Where to begin with?

It's been a very very long time since i've blogged. Truth be told I think i've changed, but i'll let God be the judge of that. Physically i've decided to keep short hair! Other than that i'm getting older day by day.

No surprise huh?

Mmm and there's my LWW. (LittleWhiteWagon) Poor guy has been pretty abused ever since i've recieved my drivers license. Thinking about that i'm already a full-blown road legal driver as I took off my 'P' sticker yesterday while washing the wagon.

Any updates of it? Yeah sure. Of course there will be change.

Everything, and I mean EVERYTHING on the car is starting to fall apart. The central locking is tempremental, my windows work as they please, I have no horn, the suspension is lopsided, brake pads are worn. rear drums are on the way out... and its saving grace was once the engine.

But nooooo. Not anymore. It's recently started to start BLOWING OUT OIL. It puts any secret agents smoke screens to shame. And if you think i'm kidding, I lose 3 litres of oil (around 3 quarts for you 'mericans) in 4-5 weeks?

Anyways being the almost-annual update, the wagon is (hopefully) going to receive SR20 power. SR20DET power, if all goes according to plan. Bigger wheels, brakes, the works one at a time. Funny how machines can be fixed with a thick wallet in comparision to life.

I haven't been too happy with myself. It seems that growing up is really not as fun as I expected it to be. I'm still on cigarettes, though, in honor to a bargain with my parents for the engine, I will be quitting soon. That and my friendship with people seems shaky all the time. Got an earful from my mum today. She said that she always hears that I get into conflicts with my friends, and that my attitude is at part.

THANKFULLY, I wasn't in the mood to argue. Just took it in like most of girls people would, but it did get me thinking. Why am I so stubborn over my views of perfection? Am I some sort of biased oppressive tyrant that rules with an iron fist just to get his way? Sadly in my own understanding, thats how people take me as. Generally I can NEVER seem to give in to other peoples point of views, those of the same age and people who are younger. Maybe it's because I hang around so many older people I start thinking like them. Maybe it was my upbringing to try to be straight as an arrow and chase perfection. Maybe i'm just flawed? Only God knows. At most I can give is a sincere sorry as I never mean to have that sort of image. I just cannot be outright stupid anymore. I can't laugh at stupid things anymore, my sense of humor is dead.

This brings me to question myself daily of where I would fit in amongst people daily. It's sickening to hear pastors and all from young predicting i'll be somewhere someday. I mean okay my faith is starting to grow in God but IF this is really training to be a better person, i've got to say the process that has to happen, it's pretty bitter. Your thinking will be altered according to a whole new level, in ways so different you just connect the dots differently from people around.

But then again if I were to connect the dots on a drawing book in any other manner than it was designed with society gives a what-the-fuck-Ian, then I go back to the drawing board questioning myself. Maybe God too at times.

To say the least, it bothers me pretty often why I can't be more productive in the society. Though my parents always remind me that I need a lot of refinement and who am I to argue, I know that personally myself.

Hobbywise you'd probably gasp in horror after reading this. I don't exactly get very fascinated by cars anymore. *GASP* Well okay I still do, but I just realized I preffer classic/vintage/antiques more than modified cars. It just oozes a certain aura of craftsmanship about it? And this kind of scares me. The whole point in me being well, me, is that i'm a car crazy person.

However profession-wise I seem to be at least having a direction somewhere. So far i've taken up public relations and broadcasting in college as my majors, pretty fast how time flies huh? It's almost a year i've been in college, and 2 sems are over. College too has been a blessing. My classmates, the majority of them are extremely hardworking, and determined to a certain extent. They aim for something in their life. What exactly I don't know precisely, but it is comforting to be able to have people that actually give a fuck (Sorry it is my blog after all.) about passing college, and not just by marks, but by actually learning.

As time goes by I start to understand that learning and passing exams has very little to do with each other. Any cheater can pass an exam by copying, but only a few will actually grasp the whole idea and put it to use. I pray hard that i'll be in the latter. God knows how much I take pride in knowledge. On earth there really isn't much that can rival knowledge in its life value, not so much in physical form.

Wrapping this up I'm not going to lie, I feel very sick of being single sometimes. Not just in the sense where I feel like I want a girlfriend, but I feel very down because the only aim in my life is to... work hard for myself. Me. Mua. I. It gets boring when physically you have everything you need, and certain things you want. The challenges in my life are few, trully I am very very blessed. But I really wish that I was older, maybe with a stable job that I enjoy, and it's my time to hunt for a wife.

Pretty sure I don't get a lot of readers here so i'm just going to admit this here, I cannot wait to be taken full time. I really just cannot see the point in going after girls in the short run anymore. This is how much logic seems to have overcome my thinking, that and emotion. Yes, yes I still do get my crushes from time to time. Yes I still adore the girl that I used to in high school, but all that will forever stay as what-ifs and thats about it. For now. I can't predict the future can I?

Speaking of crushes recently I went to see Wreck-it Ralph with my college mate. After watching it, I now have a new dream. Not just I would like a daughter, I would like her to be like Venellope Von Schweetz! Not going to spoil the show but if you're highly emotive as I am, you'll be laughing and crying in seperate occasions.

I hope my wife will be a fan of Disney, or at least hopefully cartoons. If she isn't meh :(.