I'm really unsure of this.

Prayers can be very scary.

Well okay, not the prayer, but the way you get replied. Or if you don't.

Its been the second night now, and okay I have to admit having a chat did make a lot of things much better than yesterday. I still haven't convinced/forgiven myself over my slowness, but still, I can't sleep.

Always I have this undying fear that just can't seem to be extinguished by anyone, I always worry, if the world is going to waste why should I bother being good? Why should I keep faith? Am I worthy of having anything in my life?

So I decided to say a quiet prayer about 10 minutes ago, I just asked God "whats the point of me?". I got an answer immediately; "Proverbs 15:28" . For real God?

"Kay lah whats the harm, i'm already awake aren't I?"

As I flip through my bible app (its too dark to use my real bible) the verse says: " The heart of the righteous weighs its answers, but the mouth of the wicked gushes evil. "

I'm still puzzled by this verse, about the heart of the righteous weighs its answers and all. Perhaps it is a hint I am doing the right thing because i've witheld my tongue a few times? Or perhaps it's a reminder that the world just says as they please? Or perhaps it is an indication that I shall need to be more of a controlled person?

Really unsure of how to take this verse in. Reading online commentaries have not really helped much with me fitting it in with my life, I understand the verse as it is, it's not the most complicated one out there.

I'll just pray on that later once i'm done with this post.





Glad though that I managed to speak to her. It feels like a huge relief off my chest. I still have yet to figure out on how to erase her face out of my memory every 5-10 seconds or so. It's horrible isn't it? Always being haunted by something you want, but can't have. If this is bad I feel so horrible for those who had a lasting relationship and had to break up. It must feel like 500000000000000 times worse.

Though I think i'd like to give her a new years prezzie or something. Since i've already failed the first time, i'm not going to miss this chance again.