Change.

I'm 19 this year for those who don't know.

I'm not a full grown adult by any means, but neither am I still lingering in my childhood. By 2013 marks the year that i've lived for 2 decades and that scares me. Well, okay not scares me. It makes me ponder on how much i've changed in a matter of... 4-5 years?

Why i'm being so borderline pessimistic is probably because I realize that these days humor & lightheartedness is rare. At least for me to find a reason to. Rewinding the clock a few years back I was happy. I was enjoying myself in school, I had a girlfriend, I laughed at everything with no worries. Hanging out with friends was more productive than not, but even friends change.

This few weeks I have been reading a lot. Reading blogs, tweets, online articles, FB rubbish, that few years of growing up have seem to made everyone into pessimists or dull-ish people. I fall into that category as dull, borderlining pessimistic.

I've been wanting to have a wholehearted chat with... someone and actually get answers. Sadly I just do not have that large or oppiniated enough a group to have more than just the usual ramblings. I have thought of starting a chat with er... a certain someone from highschool. Someone I never got to have a decent conversation with, even though i think we can chat pretty well haha. Been lazy enough to start because my friend says she doesn't like texting/whatsapping. Pfft. Okay. I've bothered her enough in highschool, not planning on starting to again. Maybe I will if I can even think of why do I want a chat.

Physically even I feel odd looking at my self everyday with short hair. I know I look good, finally my hair stands up straight and looks naturaly but... gosh. I'm almost 20 next year. My long hair phase is over. Physically i'm not a child anymore and mentally, its catching up as well in its growth phase.

I wish I had a friend that would just go to a random park with me and do nothing. I miss sitting around, doing nothing and having a popsicle while enjoying the weather.