Wow. 2012 has another 6 days left, the whole year has flown by at uhh... a blink of an eye. Hoorey i'm getting poetic! Hah. Anyways first & foremost to whoever reading this I hope you had a good year, may the next be awesome-r and God Bless.
Okay so i'm really not sure of what I wan't to blog about today. I feel... refreshed. Both mentally and physically.
Rewinding the clock to early evening where I went out for awhile with Aman to go see his car near Uncle Ramly's place (my usual carb tuner), Aman couldn't help but to go over to Uncle Ramly's shop becuz he was doing donuts. Called uncle LOA HAHA.
While being in Ramly's shop and discussing about his track escort was quite mindblowing, to see how much of work had been done in it. AP Racing brakes, Bilstein suspension with watts linkage , Avon slicks, Fully built Ford OHC 2.0 Pinto, cams, forged internals, whatever you can think of he has done it.
However though I wasn't really blown away by what he had done to the car. Anyone with money can do that too, but I was more of observing how choices in life really determine the outcome of it. The car mechanically isn't in sorry state, but the bodywork has a lot to be desired. His shop is full of spares he will never need, and he has many many outstanding loans. After leaving the place I had a chat with Aman, he says that his attitude in the past cost him his reputation, and in effect, his business and voila. Uncle Ramly isn't young anymore.
So that got me thinking as usual, seems like I do this waaaaay too much these days. Sometimes you just have to know when to put a brake on spending. Well, either that or learn to save more. Motorsports is not a cheap thing at all. Cost of the car, suspension at a minimum, tires, fuel, it goes on and on. I was just wondering how things will turn out with my car, so after dinner I hit the highway to clear my mind.
After going round and round I bumped into Loh, since I haven't seen my usual gang in awhile I decided to pop by to SK. Shortly after we settled Mike popped by as well! Then only the yamcha became interesting for me.
Somehow we started going to the topic on engine swaps then about GRA. GRA i'm not very sure if its an autocross or gymkhana, but needless to say you have a rough idea of how it's driving style is. Slow speed, techy driving. We were discussing whats needed to join, and surprisingly it's really not as much as I thought it would be. All I need is a special license and a mechanically sound car.
So tonight went very well. It's really a refreshing talk out of the usual topics which never have much depth to it, Mike & Dan managed to influence me to keep on to the GA16 first and get a bit of experience in GRA. Looks like i'll again have a new agenda for the first quarter of 2013 haha. Mike took my car out for testing and surprise surprise, he couldnt throw my car because my handbrake is too loose and it locks up on one side. Not really surprised considering the car is already tilting to one side. And even better yet... Mike says that irritating knocking sound that has been coming from my engine bay for ages is. my. engine. Hoho. Now I know why the GA's piston rings are giving up.
Looks like now I have to send it in for some mild repairs and hit the track. Mike was nice enough to offer me steelies for the rear, Dan offered me a helmet, so now I just need to run fresh brake pads, brake fluid, fix my vacuum advance on my distributor, check whether the distributor is healthy, then check the engine timing, last but not least get the front suspension to be at least level. God knows that thing handles entirely different in left and right corners hahahaha. The only thing I find super mafan about this is the fact I have to drill holes to mount a fire extinguisher. That and I have to find a solution to keep my engine from dying everytime I brake harder than ordinary. Really can't put my finger on whats the problem though, too low fuel pressure or vacuum hoses? When dropping in the car for repairs i'll just ask hows the vacuum hoses. If it's all good the only thing else to do is get a fuel regulator IF it can work on the car. If it can't then hoho, looks like I have to be hella smooth in braking.
Hmm and besides that rant I had yesterday I sort of settled it. I finally let a lot of things out of my chest but pffft, really after so many years of not chasing a girl I sound so odd on the phone. Blanking out and choking for no reason, guess thats something I have to overcome sooner or later as well haha. I slept very well yesterday after venting out everything to well... the girl I really trust. Funny though how life works. There was a time where I had broken trust among friends and I was the one apologizing, but now since the situation is reversed it is very safe to say that now I know how painful it is to lose faith in someone. Especially trust. And over a girl. This is really the biggest slap of reality I have had this 2013. Girls will always be prioritized over guys when you're older. It's not easy to start a conversation anymore when you just feel reserved all the time, having that doubt always in your mind. Too bad I can't rewind the clock and change myself, if I know the pain I probably would have thought twice.
Also I again uh... started smoking. Why? See I have this problem with myself. I can lie to humans, but I cannot lie to myself. A lot of people can lie to others, but those that can lie to themselves I don't know how they do that. While driving today I just realized that i've stopped not because I SINCERELY 150% want to stop. No it's because i'm just stooping to other to stop because they say its bad. Yes, it is bad, but for me I don't want to be that guy that relies on peoples opinions to change. I want to learn to stop it myself. I want to fall in love with a girl sincerely, I want to choose the color of my car just because I can, and not do things just because people tell me to do so.
Granted, I still have that attitude now. Mike & Dan sort of made me realize it even more, amplify my awareness. They asked me, why do you still smoke? That was in regards to me not liking GRA, or having any interest in it. So this really made me slow down and think, yes, every decision you make in life, the clothes you wear, all of it is a matter of whether you want to like it or not. Where your standards are in life. Your whole life revolves around the decisions YOU make.
The friends I made, the holding on to the wagon, smoking, liking so many girls but not admitting I more-or-less loved a single one, it's all based on self decision. But when you're constantly bombarded by opinion and peer pressure you sort of learn to like what they like. Be it a vice or virtue it's up to you. In summary I still smoke because I enjoy it. I find it a very good social ice-breaker, but its at the cost of my health. It is also at the cost of a lot of good girls, oppurtunities and all, but I know that this stubborn attitude of mine will evaporate when my life starts. Like when I actually start getting older and having more freedom to choose what I want.
Why do I say that? I suppose that all this stubborness in me is because I know I want to quit. I sincerly do. But being young I find that my life is burdened not because of people around me, it is because of me. I want to grow up fast. I want to be matured, I want to be perfect, rich, have a flawless car, flawless grades, girlfriend, friends that do everything perfectly but damn. I have to wake up. Im 19. I make mistakes. People make mistakes. I laugh. I cry. Life isn't perfect. No doubt I SHOULDN'T throw away good virtues, but at the same time I shouldn't choke myself to death trying to be perfect endlessly, rome wasn't built in a day and likewise wisdom isn't gained from doing nothing. Honestly I know that besides my vice of smoking and the odd liking for fast, noisy, old, unreliable cars im not a demon. I'm not the funniest, most charming, handsomest, richest, but I know deep in my heart I wan't to do the right thing, and live the way God wants me to be. Perhaps my vice is because I admire so much of the gentlemen of the yesteryears that I too, pick it up. Suave, slick, but still smoking haha. Also secretly, not a lot of people know that I actually like being given orders, or direction. I never like doing things by myself because I tend to put to put things off. I just preffer listening to orders from someone and doing it. However though, I know when I fall in love, and I can actually get the girl seriously, i'd do whatever it takes to keep her forever. Now though I don't have that guarantee, a lot of things in life don't come with guarantees. Perhaps then when it is time for me to settle down, the fact that I smoke and she won't give up on me will be a sign that she's the one. Idk. People always give up on me that it's frustrating.
Even odder yet, at 5am I get a surprise chat from a friend, who I shall not name, but much older than me giving life advice and reassurance. Not a Christian either, but advice that is not far from what I know. Suddenly, I feel a lot better. A lot. more. better.
Christmas is odd this year. Both in a good and bad way, but oh well life goes on yeah? :)
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