150th post, hurreh.

NOPE, no celebrations here if you're wondering.

I just decided to create another post so that the previous post has its own unique content, nothing mixed up like my feelings  to confuse whoever may be reading this. Hi reader, thanks for taking time to read my rants :3.

'Nyways okay. I have a lot of fears in me. Every now and then theres always that problem I encounter, I run out of intellectual people to chat with. No i'm not labelling myself as intellectual, but I do crave these sort of conversations every now and then, it's just weird for a 19 year old! A 19 year old asian kid should be driving a myvi with pirated wheels and not caring about a thing in the world. Maybe he should be taken, drinks every once in awhile and has a circle of friends who are likewise.



No, not me. My similarities end at being a 19 year old asian kid.



For starters I have a very dry, sarcastic sense of humor. I lost majority of my childish humor maybe 1 or 2 years ago, or even more, God knows. I can't remember much. I don't enjoy chasing every girl that gives me the oppurtunity to date her, I don't enjoy social drinking, or drinking at all, cause that tastes like shit. I worry all the time that i'll never find a wife who is Godly, yet interesting. I worry that with this mouth of mine I won't go anywhere locally because ALL I enjoy doing is talking not in chinese, but in english.


Sometimes I just feel like leaving Malaysia y'know. The kid inside of me always tries to tell me that the pasture is greener on the other side even though i've never actually been there, and my more mature side reminds me that no, those awesome videos you see of nice cars, most of them took a few years to build and their owners are well over 19.

Oh and speaking of cars, would you all believe that i'm starting to lose my interest in them? YES I have seen a lot of cars for a kid, driven a lot too, but not being financially able to support my hobby? Yeah no wonder i'm losing interest. Whatever i'm good at I never seem to have the resources to back it up.

I hope some day I find a place where I can fit in properly, have an audience that actually stimulates my mind and can rationally give me opinions, other than base it on mere feelings. And maybe too, I can flourish there along with my passion.

Yet here I am being a kid, getting panic attacks based on my feelings. Ironical huh? At least now I really really know who I sincerely like deep down. If I didn't, I wouldn't have reacted this badly.