Hit Counter

It has been jumping, from 399 to 4-- plus now even though I havent updated it. Either its mindfuck orrr MAGIC IS HAPPENING. HO SHIT NIGGUH.


One bad thing about having a public blog, I cant monitor who the hell acceses it HAHA. Oh well. Hey there anonymous followers! :D Hope you all LOOOOOVE the posts I have not been putting up. Anyways! It's time for an update on how I am, holidays have officially started. The first night of the hols and my my. I think it was ruined from somewhere after recess.

Lets just say I heard things I dont wanna hear, now i'm thinking of things I dont wanna think. So now on the first night my mind is... blank. Neh i'm joking, ees full of fuck.


*Spoiler warning, its an emo/complaining post so if you no likey emo you can just skip this mmkay?*

Okay. Hmm. I feel awful lah. On the 2nd day of the hols I ended up arguing with one of my closer friends over me jumping to conclusions again. I'm not going into detail, but i'll just give some advice. Dont talk about anything you dont want people to hear, and dont have those 'late night juicy convos' when you're half awake, seriously. I think I blew up at my friend was because one, I had the lack of sleep, and two I was pumped on adrenaline.

Drift competition, no surprise right?

Mmm so without going into much detail, I just snapped on the spot and panicked, and WOW. I re-read the convo, my language is like a rainbow put into words. *sighs* Anyways after a long sleep, thinking, and from both my friends points of view its really my fault bottomline.

So im just going to wrap it up.

Declan Tan, i'm sorry again. I thank God I have friends like you, who stick with me no matter how horrible I am, how flawed under the surface I am. Only real friends do that,and yes its something im gonna regret. Whats been said cannot be unsaid.

Oddly right, after the fight when I hit the bed that night I had a horrible dream. I dreamt that I had a sms from uh... her saying she just wanted to talk. When I woke up I just had that feeling like, it's never going to become a reality, you know the feeling where you just wanna cry and go back to your dream because its just so perfect?

But oh well. Life is lifeeeee. Shes the first girl I think in a LONG time i've actually had problems getting to even just, talk to.


And that actually brings up another problem come to think of it, assuming.



The whole squabble started because I ASSUMED. I always assume things. Declan says girls are straightforward, but I think quite the contrary, if they were straightforward my 2 ex's would have been easy to go after, the'd probably tell me on the spot "Oh Ian, you're so awesome, I like youuu :)" and tada were a couple. But girls are girls, pampering and understanding is needed right? :(((

IF i'm wrong about this I think I should just stop going after girls and learn physcology first, re-learn everything i've learned through the years. Oh and the best part is, things that have been unsaid cannot be taken back. So adding additional info... if you never meant to tell me but keep it a secret and it came out haha. Habis. More assuming.

So until now which is... May the 30th? I'm still assuming, guessing, hoping (or am I just in denial?). I FEEL RETARDED LAAAAAH. For the first time I can't understand or figure someone out even by talking to that person, and asking for advice is just confusing more.

IT's all over the place! Seriously. Some say, why waste your time? Lotsa fish in the world Ian ;). Some say, you like/love her, just keep trying you'll get her someday. Some say i'm just being stupid cause im chasing wind. Gah.

So that kinda explains my... lack of. uhm. desicions. YESH. And the fact I haven't put any effort into being really intresting would be one reason why I dont wanna stop just yet. People that never try, never get anything more than normal. I've been nice, I think i've always been. But yeah intresting, I have nooooo idea what intrests her :|.

However if they fail they'll fail harder. For me i've got nothing to lose, just her. Which is... everything. I sound so lovesick, waka-waka.

AND Since its not a secret anymore, I gotta admit I love all the stuff she loves. Beaches, cooking, music, chilling, emoji (but it crashed my phone, not putting it back in, so thereeeee), long talks OTP & stuff. Disney movies, I think we have even the same sense of humor!

BUT I could be wrong again, y'know assuming and stuff? Mmhm. And working on a one-way relationship = fail. I think i'll just go pray and talk to God s'more. God never fails to give me an answer, but sometimes his answers are confusing as hell. And some of it well, its granted really late.

Like how I prayed on and off to get to talk to her, whatsapp's a start. HAHAHA. So yeah I guess i've got a lot to thank God for. I dont intend to list down all here cause its just. so. much. Even MY INFLATABLE POOL IS AWESOME WHOOOOO. 5 guys in a pool with drinks + music + sunny weather = Fawesome. Seeeriously.


So yeah I think i'll just post this up for now. Life sure is confusing innit? I hope the rest of the hols goes smoothly, I cant keep drama like this up for long.