Its Not Fair...

How you can keep me wrapped around your little finger, by doing absolutely nothing. Mmhm.

I don't blame you though, whats there to blame? :B Anyways guhhhh i've got so much to do to my car + studies.


Lets list out whats lacking on my car:

• Carbs. I need more power, my car is effing slow. 'Nuff said.
• Anti-Roll bars. I just love to corner hard, you jelly?
• Louder & smoother exhaust. Mine now's just... farty and pretty quiet. I'd like more noise :|.
• Bucket seat: For cornering hard! Of course :).
• Le' license plate: Mine's being held on by zipties cause it broke off -_-".

I think thats all for now, i'd be pretty happy to get all of the above soon haha :D. 

So What's Next?

Its the first of June and uhm... im at Calvin's house bumming overnight. I think I ate too much, had 1 can of shandy too much and im tired.

I've always wonder'd how if life was like glee? They can have fun & romance in the most inappropriate moments, i'm jelly (read: jealous). I think im jealous of a lot of things oddly. Richer people, funnier people, awesome-er people, and the list goes on and on.

Mmm i've been wondering also what kinda girls fit with whoooo. Likeeee among the people I hang with, so far OFFICIALLY Cal is my only bud who's taken. His girl is well, pretty much like him. Easy going, photogenic, nice, relaxed, open-minded and not quick to judge. She reminds me so much of Cal sometimes ahaha.

So here's what im thinking. If she reflects his personality, how would my girlfriend be wei? Or Chung's, Daniel's (Loh), or even JX?


HAHAHA mine would have to be sarcastic, have reserved humor and easy going. I think nowadays im not as funny as I used to be :o. I think I WANNA TAKE UP PSYCHOLOGY after SPM :D.

God...

... you know what? I think it would be awesome if you answered this last request with a no, I can finally be at peace.

Me Being Me!

How do you change something that defines you?


This post is kinda link'd up from the post below, I got a smack of reality in my face just now on my cursing. I used to curse like in EVERY sentence and thing I typed. Its been many many moons now that i've actually stopped that but it still lingers.

The cursing lingers when:



• Im mad.
• Im crazy happy.
• Im panicking, nervous, not thinking straight.
• Combination of above. LUL.

So uhm uhhh. Odd lah. I blew up online yesterday, and yeaaaah *rolls eyes* guess who saw it? The whole world. Yay meeee. Hilang muka again. I miss those days where I could just be rude to the whole world and make them laugh.

Its a process of growing up though. Thinking about it right, i'm so full of hidden flaws only to be revealed when im angry, i'm amazed I still have friends. And I really lost my touch in making people LAUGH for no reason at all.

Or maybe its cause I hang with stupid people most of the time. Only my church friends and close friends get my jokes, we all joke teh same HAHA. Anyways...


... as a summary, I love being me. If im not accepted for my flaws, and am going to be discriminated by a CERTAIN group of people I dont wanna belong there, ever. Im tired, off to bed, g'night :).

Hit Counter

It has been jumping, from 399 to 4-- plus now even though I havent updated it. Either its mindfuck orrr MAGIC IS HAPPENING. HO SHIT NIGGUH.


One bad thing about having a public blog, I cant monitor who the hell acceses it HAHA. Oh well. Hey there anonymous followers! :D Hope you all LOOOOOVE the posts I have not been putting up. Anyways! It's time for an update on how I am, holidays have officially started. The first night of the hols and my my. I think it was ruined from somewhere after recess.

Lets just say I heard things I dont wanna hear, now i'm thinking of things I dont wanna think. So now on the first night my mind is... blank. Neh i'm joking, ees full of fuck.


*Spoiler warning, its an emo/complaining post so if you no likey emo you can just skip this mmkay?*

Okay. Hmm. I feel awful lah. On the 2nd day of the hols I ended up arguing with one of my closer friends over me jumping to conclusions again. I'm not going into detail, but i'll just give some advice. Dont talk about anything you dont want people to hear, and dont have those 'late night juicy convos' when you're half awake, seriously. I think I blew up at my friend was because one, I had the lack of sleep, and two I was pumped on adrenaline.

Drift competition, no surprise right?

Mmm so without going into much detail, I just snapped on the spot and panicked, and WOW. I re-read the convo, my language is like a rainbow put into words. *sighs* Anyways after a long sleep, thinking, and from both my friends points of view its really my fault bottomline.

So im just going to wrap it up.

Declan Tan, i'm sorry again. I thank God I have friends like you, who stick with me no matter how horrible I am, how flawed under the surface I am. Only real friends do that,and yes its something im gonna regret. Whats been said cannot be unsaid.

Oddly right, after the fight when I hit the bed that night I had a horrible dream. I dreamt that I had a sms from uh... her saying she just wanted to talk. When I woke up I just had that feeling like, it's never going to become a reality, you know the feeling where you just wanna cry and go back to your dream because its just so perfect?

But oh well. Life is lifeeeee. Shes the first girl I think in a LONG time i've actually had problems getting to even just, talk to.


And that actually brings up another problem come to think of it, assuming.



The whole squabble started because I ASSUMED. I always assume things. Declan says girls are straightforward, but I think quite the contrary, if they were straightforward my 2 ex's would have been easy to go after, the'd probably tell me on the spot "Oh Ian, you're so awesome, I like youuu :)" and tada were a couple. But girls are girls, pampering and understanding is needed right? :(((

IF i'm wrong about this I think I should just stop going after girls and learn physcology first, re-learn everything i've learned through the years. Oh and the best part is, things that have been unsaid cannot be taken back. So adding additional info... if you never meant to tell me but keep it a secret and it came out haha. Habis. More assuming.

So until now which is... May the 30th? I'm still assuming, guessing, hoping (or am I just in denial?). I FEEL RETARDED LAAAAAH. For the first time I can't understand or figure someone out even by talking to that person, and asking for advice is just confusing more.

IT's all over the place! Seriously. Some say, why waste your time? Lotsa fish in the world Ian ;). Some say, you like/love her, just keep trying you'll get her someday. Some say i'm just being stupid cause im chasing wind. Gah.

So that kinda explains my... lack of. uhm. desicions. YESH. And the fact I haven't put any effort into being really intresting would be one reason why I dont wanna stop just yet. People that never try, never get anything more than normal. I've been nice, I think i've always been. But yeah intresting, I have nooooo idea what intrests her :|.

However if they fail they'll fail harder. For me i've got nothing to lose, just her. Which is... everything. I sound so lovesick, waka-waka.

AND Since its not a secret anymore, I gotta admit I love all the stuff she loves. Beaches, cooking, music, chilling, emoji (but it crashed my phone, not putting it back in, so thereeeee), long talks OTP & stuff. Disney movies, I think we have even the same sense of humor!

BUT I could be wrong again, y'know assuming and stuff? Mmhm. And working on a one-way relationship = fail. I think i'll just go pray and talk to God s'more. God never fails to give me an answer, but sometimes his answers are confusing as hell. And some of it well, its granted really late.

Like how I prayed on and off to get to talk to her, whatsapp's a start. HAHAHA. So yeah I guess i've got a lot to thank God for. I dont intend to list down all here cause its just. so. much. Even MY INFLATABLE POOL IS AWESOME WHOOOOO. 5 guys in a pool with drinks + music + sunny weather = Fawesome. Seeeriously.


So yeah I think i'll just post this up for now. Life sure is confusing innit? I hope the rest of the hols goes smoothly, I cant keep drama like this up for long.

Oh Schnaps.

I DIDNT KNOW MY BLOG HAD SO MANY uh, followers. Lulz.

Anyways uh hmm its a Sunday afternoon, i'm going off to Sepang and yeah. It should be fun :). Urr. I think I wanna hamburger for lunch yeahh.

Imjustbeingrandomsorrykthxbai.

Priorities

Damn cute right? HAHA.


So today i'll be blogging about priorities, was just thinking about it today while studying. We've got money, girls, parents, our car (for me at least HEHEHE), God, studies, socializing and the list goes on. And like any teen I think im having problems dividing it all.


SO FAR, if our lives would be on a scale, i'd be tipping way over into the socializing side, plus my car and friends. Im not very intrested in money,or studies, God and girls would be somewhere in the middle, unbiased and still very naive in thinking.


I've yet to balance everything out, I think starting with studies would be great! :D Unlike God, studies can dissapear from my life, God is always here thankfully. God being like a supernatural parent, i'd say watches over me night & day no matter what stupid things I do.

Anyways just a short post, i've gotta sleep studies tomorrow with Aaron! Its nice to see him studying once in awhile :') *sighs* were all growing up now arent we? 

Uh?

Okay!



Now since thats over with how about an update on yourself Ian? Sure.


I'm liking someone for almost a year plus, not good, not good at all. Well its 50/50 lah in my case :(. Im not going to say specifically who, but I think the whole school knows LOL. Okay so where do I start?

Its kinda innocent on how I started liking her. I added her knowing shes my churcmates cuzzie. I never bothered to go check on her profile etc. etc. So okay, I bought her up as a topic with my churchmate, then only I found out she was in the same school as her. I was like WHAAAAAT? No way. I've never seen her before :O...


So okay fine, shes in our school. Cool. I asked my classmate who she was, he pointed her out during recess last year I think? First thing that came to my mind was WAO. Tall, pretty :D. But I still wasnt intrested.


I think I got intrested when I asked my classmate how's she like? See right, about my classmate, he talks like nobodies buisness. He could probably sell a living person a coffin just in case, and they'd want to buy it. Turns out the girl I like according to him is, uhh... in his words Holy, very nice lah, and polite. She loves to bake and uhm nice lah.

SO. Okay how many pretty girls do you know that have the qualities i've said? Oh and even better yet, my classmate just had to mention she talks a WEEEEEE bit like me, sucha onz? Really? :').

I never talked to her face to face in school cause 1, nervous. Ironically I can chat up a lot of girls just like that, but why not her? Haha simpleeee. Try lar talking rubbish to a girl, which is one and only. If she was like every other shallow girl I couldnt care less, but I dont wanna lose her :(.

SO OKAY. MUSHY MUSHY stuff aside, I tweeted her once in awhile. Uh then there was one day, Daniel the subaru owner came to pick me up in his YELLOW BUGGY. In front of school. Hell's yeah ;D! She walked pass but I never said hi.


Came back from school, I got a tweet from her saying something like uhm, too good to say hi or someeeething like that.

Heehee.Least to say, I was pretty happy that day, anyways. Going after her is sorta hell for me :(. She hates texting, I like texting. I dont know if shes on MSN often, and talking to her face to face is uh, rare. Shes usually with her friends and so am I.






OH I FORGOT TO MENTION, she knows I like her. Yippee .__."




Anyway's I thank God I met her lah nonetheless. She's kinda an influence for the better for me, i've been trying to make the best of my day, work out more, study, etc. etc. Idontknowhy seriously, but she just motivates me. To the readers that are reading, does your better half motivate you? (IF you have that better half in the first place ;p)

*sighs* Am I weird? :( I hope not. 'Nyways, yeah for 2011, thats my major update. I've got to TRY to talk to her, cant hide all my life.

Its FUN having an emotional rollercoaster now & then. Buhbye (: