Out Of My Comfort Zone.

As the post says above I... finally have the courage (motivation?) to try and get out entirely of my comfort zone to fend for myself. It's a new year and a new semester in college, the 3rd to be specific. First day of class was quite draggy so to speak, but also at the same time, its refreshing considering that i'll be learning how to photosop pictures properly!

I'm blogging this out because really i've ran out of people to chat with that can actually hold a conversation with me. Truthfully exiting my comfort zone is extremely mentally exhausting, as much as I wish that it would become simpler as time passes I still haven't settled down with the thought that i'm now attempting to be a bookworm, i've stopped smoking and attempting to use a computer other than Tumblr & to read Speedhunter articles endlessly.

To make matters more complicated this weekend i'm taking one of the biggest leaps of faith ever for myself. I'm heading to a place where I have quite a reputation, and i'm planning on settling down there haha. It's almost suicide to think of it from a mental perspective, but what do I have to lose? I should be saying to myself "O ye of little faith", a constant reminder to put my fears and worries into God's hands instead of me trying to attempt extinguish situations that are too big for me. I just have to give up all my fears to God and walk through the straight and narrow.

Funny though as much as I can utter these through my own mouth with no hesitations, mentally I still worry day to day. I'm fully aware that my reputation is far from spotless, likewise to those who don't know me very well I assume they see me as a kid too spoiled to work to get things from my parents. Likewise I always worry that I could be using my time better to 'gain experience' somewhere better. Financially or even a skill, it's still something isn't it?

But assurance has always been nearby me thankfully, especially from my family. My parents know my personality in and out, through and through how tunnel minded I can be at times, never backing down or lowering my standards to the morals & standards that are accepted by society thes days. It really is like a double-edged sword because as much as a perfectionist I think I am in doing things, I have to adapt to the surroundings i'm in. I'm in 'boleh land' where generally, we do not have any standards anymore. But on the other hand the perfectionist in me can also be used to inspire people similar minded to attempt at changing the country.

It's painful though to constantly wonder about the future daily. The last time I had this convo with my mom she said that due to my characther generally I won't have a lot of friends. To make matters worse she said i'm going to have a lot of hurt in myself as I grow up as well. Really it's been a very long time since i've broken down, but I cried a whole lot. Like niagara falls a lot. Why can't I ever be like a normal kid who drives a normal car with a basic shallow perspective of the world and who does average things? Thankfully though my mum was quick to assure me that generally leaders have the same charactheristics as my personality. Anyways the whole concept of hierachy also shows how lonely it is at the top if you were to look at it from a 3D point of view like a Pyramid. A lot of people don't make it to the top.

So after that incident i'm uh... here venting haha. Hey readers! Whoever still reads. I think stepping out of my comfort zone is one of those things in life where it prepares you to do things that you don't like, but may have to do it out of necessity.

These days most of the teenagers have cushy lifes if I were to really nitpick. Our parents are the ones who work hard to pay off our education, they also buy us gadgets, clothes, vehicles, food, and various assets to a hobby, but i'm referring to the life i'm familiar with. Not to those who have to earn a living to buy their own car. I'm sorry but I just was never brought up there, and everyday I do feel guilty for having these luxuries, but at the same time I can wholeheartedly say that every millimetre of my life is blessed. I've never had to make a noise louder than a squeak to my parents if I need help and they're more than willing to buy material items for me to be a socially accepted and contributing person. Yet it is ironic because most of the people I know, myself included partially, don't maintain what were given. Do you know how to iron your clothes & fold them? Do you know how to clean a car, polish it and wax it? Do you know how to hold a converstaion properlly without constantly glancng at your phone like a prick? A lot of people can't do these things.

This blog is really becoming a rant blog HAHA. But until I find some other place to blurt all these out i'll have to resort to a blog. Tumblr is ironically, too open as much as its more of a picture blog. I constantly rant about these minute things because I find that people these days just cannot get out of their comfort zones. Me myself included. It's like this generation of media has such a huge stronghold over the way we think, act, behave until the point we can't think for ourselves anymore. I won't go into detail because I too fall into this category of lazy people not changing things. I do want to change things, but there's that age-old excuse of 'i've got no time'. But these days it's not really much of an excuse anymore if you prioritize education and getting really great scores. To make matters worse if you're active in college too with all their clubs, societies & gatherings it doesn't help. I'm in the minority where my evenings are actually pretty free, i'm hoping to find a place where I belong where I can put myself to use. Or maybe I can just get a puppy and use my time to devote myself to it bringing it up IDK haha.

I think i've ranted long enough for this post. I'm not too sure what i've accomplished in this post but to any youths out there who read this, if you SINCERELY want a change in life GET OUT OF YOUR COMFORT ZONE and learn something new. Sometimes the things you need are bitter in life for a short while but sweeten up at the end.