Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Focus Needed!

Like the title says, I need focus.

I'm a person of very very little focus, when I study if im alone I tend to... wander off mentally if I get bored with a subject, wondering on possibilities of this car being modded, dating that girl, doing this activity and so on and so on.

Anyways I need focus in finishing a few things, main priority is my fixie. I bought it as a project but shieeetttt, Ian, how many months has it been lying there being broken? Quite a few akshulleh.

Hopefully I can start stripping it down and restoring it back to health with a LOVELY surprise which I think, i'll be the only one in the whole world that has done that to his fixie ^.^V hoho swag points.

I need to also, lose weight. I lost 4kgs actually since the fight being depressed and eating less and having a proper nights rest, but I need the exercise. Bought jogging shorts until now I havent exactly used them, Ian you fatstuff. Go jog :B.

I need focus to read the bible and get closer to God, because really it must be God teaching me lesson after lesson after being so stubborn. It feels sad to neglect God because really, whether he exists or not to you atheists I know he exists, you cant explain why you get that gut feeling to read a certain verse, or that rush of coldness when you praise God. If you want to bring science into it be my guess, but what triggers it I highly doubt is of the world. Alienz hoho. I highly believe God exists, has been blessing me with material wealth, wisdom, love, choices, and has been there to take care of me. And pulling me out of a useless situation with a slap of reality? Lovely. I couldnt be more grateful to God and of course, the wonderful people that helped me realize my mistake.

I need also to finally get the courage to have a conversation with that certain person that I admire. 3 years and not a lot of convos ahaha, yes if you're reading this hihi :B. I'd like a bible buddy, perhaps you can help me? :3 Please?

Lastly, I need focus in studies, I pray that God will give me wisdom & knowledge for college because Lord knows im gonna need them in the choice of course and in terms of doing work.

I really think though that journalism should be a very good course for me since I love english, fur realz :B. The thought of long essays make me happy because i'm proud (not good, but yeah) of my English :p. Nowadays I hear from bosses in corporations the young generation is stupid because their english is so poor they cant communicate with people overseas, that makes me feel good but thats quite bad so i'll need to pray for humility HAHA :p.

OH WELL summary of it all i've got a lot planned out for 2012, and a HUGE project hopefully that comes true, will blog that later on this month hopefully? Buhbai :3.

145th Post.

I think this post is going to be more emotional hum-drum, if you're not intrested in how i'm feeling nowadays you can gladly stop reading here :).

Anyways moving on, i've reached a point in life where I cant figure myself out. The people I used to hang out with are gone, even if I magically become best buddies with them it doesnt really point direction in my life like it used to! Say when I was 14-15, I was experimenting on clothes, cycling, working out, dreaming for my car to be finished, waiting for my drivers license, wondering how post-SPM life feels like and really enjoying myself in the process.

Now its 4 years after 15, im 19 this year. I'm not exactly a kid anymore, only having a year more 'till being a proper adult so the worries of responsibilities have been bugging me, and I cant shake the worry. These days if you just use my iPhone and scroll through my twitter you're bound to find something like ' I dont give a fuck la just chill ' or ' Fuck you you think you very cool meh? ' , idk if its just me or what but I find cursing a major turnoff? Especially girls nowadays jeez, whatsup with your mouths, so scary la to think that future mothers are going to be scolding the kids with 4 letter words and having a IDGAF attitude in the family.

Unlike our parents, they work hard, they dont have 'SWAG' like us, i'm really worried that someday the whole world is gonna screw itself up because of this current generation. If you were to survey around nowadays whether anyone thinks of marriage, you'll get a lot of yes's but preparing yourself for it? Not much. Nobody cares to care for one another also, its not common hearing some weird kid being left out or picked on in school because he's socially awkward. I mean okay la if he's irritating I get you, but why not try to fix them? If all fails then abandon ship la, at least you TRIED.

I mean hey they're 18, smokings cool, pool is cool, driving flashy cars is cool, having SWAG is cool, cursing your mother is cool, seriously doesnt anyone get tired of this? Or is it just me? Party this party that dont give a damn about this dont give a damn about that.

Generally im concerned on how the world is ever going to function since we have this attitude nowadays, the young generation just doesnt care at all about fixing or improving ANYTHING except on how cool they are. Ask them whether they know how to fix a doorknob, a car, or cook fried rice majority wont. Ask them whats the best place to shisha, mod a car, or club they'll never stop talking.

If really Malaysia is going to screw itself up over time sorry to say Malaysia, I love you so much but if the people in it are going to ruin you im leaving for a better country that has more patriotism and cares more about upbringing of the society rather than here. I dont want my kids to be clueless idiots just demanding for more material wealth and swag instead of doing something usefull.

Doesnt anybody out there ever want a clean image and to be full of knowledge, or is that just me? :( Changing a countries mentality wont be easy thats for sure heh. I'm surrounded by majority of people that just dont care, but thankfully by the grace of God I still have those few people that keep these few qualities and are actually bothered about how they live. IF I ever lose those friends you can pretty much expect me to dissapear just as well, I dont enjoy living with people who are AWESOME at not caring about anything but themselves and how to enjoy everything.

I've also given up trying to correct other people that dont wanna be corrected, y'know its ironic I got scolded for having an anger problem when the person that lectured me had the same thing, not exactly practicing what you preach but were human. So... thats not for me to answer to, let God work the knots out of them.


MY MY i'm making myself depressed, maybe I should stop now.

Life Can Be Weird.

Oh. so. weird.

It's been... 2 months? I think since the quarrel.

I'm officially outcast from my old 'gang' whoever hangs out with who anyways, and surprisingly it doesnt feel too bad!

I always had this mentality that they were my only friends, but wow. Life really can change, detour, whatever you wanna label it as, and suddenly old friends are popping up from all over the place.

Y'know I dont really care if they read this, because it reminds me of how cheap words are. That goes both ways on what I promised people and what they promise me, I never thought I would have ruined my friendship so bad with them, and I never thought they would leave me because I always was bombarded with "Brother mou?". Fuck your brother mou's la, they're for people that will never ever make you unhappy. I have finally come to realize that I, for myself, need to think a LOT before speaking, doing anything in particular because the lack of thinking has made me in such a situation. Also need to keep a mental memo that birds of the same feather flock together, no wonder when I cant deliver it goes vice versa.

All that bullshit of saying " you're like a brother, brother mou, brothers for life "... has no weight at all. IRONICALLY though, the people that I thought would never speak to me again in my life did, and have started contacting me out of the blue.

I find life very weird, and im very dissapointed at the poor choices i've made in my high school days. Have been warned by seniors, other people, but no I still decide to be ignorant and have lotsa fun. Its sad I cant take back time... but nevertheless this is still one of my BEST life lessons and probably the most HURTING. Yeah if you were wondering I still do have my emotions and I DID enjoy my time being with them but people change.

Heck before this everyone didnt hang out with each other, some of them didnt like other people of certain groups. Ironic right? But I guess thats what makes us humans, human, we judge on reputation.

I may have screwed up more than once but from now on I highly doubt i'll do this again, I dont really want to remember what has happened or who didnt like who because it makes me feel like i've been very unjustly accused, but then again my crap was more prominent than the rest so i'm guilty as charged.

This post will be here to remind me to shut my mouth more often, think, PRAY to God so that I wont live my life  thinking and most importantly, find friends that actually care & bother about me, like, really bother not just fucking yapping on how 'brotherly' we are and then dissapearing when I screw up.

I'm glad though that they're kind enough to forgive me (I hope, sincerly) so bless them for that. Really God, I have tons of reasons to be mad but I know I shouldnt because they're human and so am I, who am I to judge? They have fixed me so thank you for that if you're reading this, may somebody else better than I am fix them because clearly i'm not needed to them anymore, and my words hold no weight anymore. Trust takes a very long time to gain, but a second to lose. This saying couldnt summarize my mistake any better sadly. I dont blame anybody for leaving though, after all we all were a group that doesnt stay at home, listen to mommy and daddy go to church and be goodie 2 shoes. I DO want to be like that though, so its time for me to start cleaning up my act and have a 180 degree turn in who I am. I've also come to a point where i'm not as funny as I used to be, less vulgar, less energetic, poorer, uncool, basically im becoming someone entirely different hoho.

Thank you all though for whatever you've given me as a gift, box of golden lugnuts, a very lovely mixtape (CD) with cutesy words written all over it, letters when I still mattered in your life, the hugs, the countless repairs on my car, the yamcha sessions, heck even the Penang trip. If I never went i'd still be living life as an irritating douchebag so thank you all for fixing me up after. Thanks also for leaving me out all the time after finding new people to talk to, it made me realize how disposable a 'brother' is after he screws up, and how many more funnier more fun 'brother's are out there.

Now though I dont know actually who needs me around. Mmm. Life is very very weird. I wonder how college life will be... I just hope, and pray very very hard I dont get my life stuck in this same cycle where everynight I do nothing but make jokes, smoke a couple of shishas, call everyone bro then go home.

I want my life to be more than that. More fulfilling and in depth than that.

Monday, February 6, 2012

Ohai!



Hipster Rapunzel is heeepstuh. I couldnt resist stealing it (her?) off Tumblr, shes pretty cute no? HAHA anyways hey guys, havent been blogging in 2 months and wow time sure passes by hasnt it? 2012 has so far been okay for me, not the best start of a year but it HAS been a month full of learning for me at least.


Mmm I dont know where to start or what to blog, seems like i've lost my touch in everything from being layzeeee. Camera has been idling under my awesome-possum shelf, nothing has been done with my car, my fixie is still uh... not yet fixed, but I lost 4KG's magically. Oh yey! :D
I've started reading the bible ! Omg Ian isn't Ian anymore. Well 2 days ago I decided to start reading the book of Proverbs, starting at 3am I didnt expect to read much but I ended up doing 20 Chapters LULZ. #Randomfactaboutme I love reading when I have the mood to.
So I think i'll start this post with a review of what i've read? :)


KAYS, Proverbs is well, a book of proverbs. Its supposed to be advice in life to help people make WISE choices. Wisdom = Using knowledge and experience with common sense & insight. One thing notable about Proverbs is that it can be applied to both Christians & Non-christians as this is about wisdom! However it might be hard to understand as this was written during the BC era, so it has to be interpreted to a modern meaning.

So some proverbs that were more noteable for me were:


1. Proverbs 2:9-10 Honor the Lord with your wealth with firstfruits of all your crops; then your bars will be filled to overflowing, and your vats will brim over with new wine.

This means always remember to give back to God whatever he has blessed you with, noted in the bible somewhere, is said to be 10%. Will get back on that when I read more! Its not an offering of wealth, more of an offering of respect? It shows that we appreciate what has been blessed to us.

2. Proverbs 2:11-12 My son, do not despise the Lord's discipline and do not resent his rebuke; because the Lord disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in.

Generally I think this is pretty simple to understand, but it must be examined in depth as well. God disciplines us by allowing problems or 'calamities' in our lives, but in that calamity is a lesson learned. I was a smoker last year, I've always known smoking wasnt good but I didnt stop. Anyways God did something about that, I have this ODD sideffect to smoking: anger. I got super angry last year and tada, I instantly lost a group of buddies. At first I was devastated at what i'd done, however looking back its not really much of a loss. Out of that whole group only a certain few actually bothered for me to stop smoking, or even bothering to overlook why I was angry and get to the source of the problem. Needless to say I was 'disciplined' by God, God is showing me that smoking is bad, and I shouldnt mix with people that have an IDGAF attitude.

3. Proverbs 3:27 Do not withhold good from those who deserve it, when its in your power to act.

Simple, if you can help someone in need now with minimal effort, why wait? Hence I really like this verse as I really like helping people in small things. Advice on cars, clothes, polishing or restoring something small, cooking even maybe? Have yet to try that :D.

4. Proverbs 6:3 Then do this my son, to free yourself, since you have fallen into your neighbour's hands: Go and humble yourself; press your plea with your neighbour!

Basically its just a verse saying, if you've done wrong, apologize! Its simple, and it shows that you admit your mistake. I screwed up pretty bad last year, so again this verse applies to my life.

5. Proverbs 11:13 A gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy man keeps a secret.

Silly me. Again another verse that shows my stupidity.

6. Proverbs 11:28 Whoever trusts in his riches will fall, but the righteous will thrive like a green leaf.

I think its about learning to trust God, but really la. Trusting in money nowadays is... shaky. Its not stupid dont get me wrong, but how long more will the world's economy stay the same? I'll rely on it, not pull all my trust, hopes & dreams into it. If I lost my money i'd lose my 'life'.

7. Proverbs 12:1 Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but he who hates correction is stupid.

Its a complicated way of saying, those that are humble enough to change for the better will benefit more from being humble, unlike those who are proud thinking their own ways are correct, are stupid. Why? Simple really. Were human, if you think your own thoughts are right, why do you think there are rules, laws, and such? Ponder on that.

8. Proverbs 14:7 Stay away from a foolish man, for you will not find knowledge on his lips.

Stay away from fools, what can you gain out of them? The definition of fools are ALL over Proverbs, if you're curious but dont own a bible I think there are online bibles where you can just read it for fun :B.

9. Proverbs 16:4-5 The Lord works out everything for his own ends- even the wicked for a day of disaster. The Lords detests all the proud of heart. Be sure of this: They will not go unpunished.
This verse scares me, it shows that God actually CAUSES misfortune to people that are wicked and proud. Wicked I can understand, but pride? I guess its something to do about people who are too proud to admit their mistakes, a.k.a one of the descriptions of fools in the bible... need to get into this moarrrrr. It also makes me happy, knowing that at least bad people will get punished one way or another and I dont have to even bother :).

10. Proverbs 16:7 When a man's ways are pleasing to the Lord, he makes even his enemies live at peace with him.

Protection. Thats what this verse oozes, God will take care of you if you're good in his eyes I guess?

11. Proverbs 16:22 Understanding is a fountain of life to those who have it, but folly brings punishment to fools.

Folly: Its meaning is acts of stupidity. For people who play all night, sleep all day, have that " Dont care la" attitude about anything, you've been warned. It will have an effect on your life one way or another. I have the fear that i'm going to screw up again so I dont want to do acts of  'folly' anymore. Or as little as possible, life is all about balance yeshhh? :3

12. Proverbs 17:5 He who mocks the poor shows contempt for their Maker; whoever gloats over disaster will not go unpunished.

Im guessing this verse is the fact that God doesnt like people who have no pity to people, if you've been blessed, bless people! Dont be cocky and think your riches can never be taken away :).

13. Proverbs 17:9 He who covers over an offense promotes love, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends.

We all should be forgiving, cause it gives everything a second chance. Fools however, repeat the problem and seperate friendship. Simple!

14. Proverbs 19:29 Penalties are prepared for mockers, and beatings for the backs of fools.

So again, assurance for the people who have been put down. There will be some sort of punishment waiting for you, trust me. I got mine :). Those that look down on me & made fun of me, or even you who ever is reading this, they will get their own problems someday.

15. Proverbs 20:19 A gossip betrays a confidence; so avoid a man who talks too much.

Sadly to say, i've fallen into this category before and i'm paying the price now everyday of my holidays, but its okay. It goes both ways :B. People who gossip, nobody trusts them and nobody likes people who cant be trusted. So... hoho. Gonna be much quieter this year.


I need moar wisdom from God needless to say, i'm only human. Read ALL the bible!
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Okay enough bible-y stuff! Moarrrrrrzzz on muhself yo! I've bought jogging pants! Hopefully I can lose a tad more weight before college so I can get my swag on ;). I need a jogging/more to walking buddy, hopefully I can think of someone :O.

Chinese new year was preeeetty awesome for me! Finally met up with my cousins in Singapore, grandparents, and other relatives. Difference this year was that I actually flew down with the family instead of driving down, and oh God plane flights the only thing I love is the takeoff. Why? It's feels like a giant turbo kicking in HAHAHA :p. Anyways its good to reunite with my cousin, miss chatting with her. Didnt have much energy that day, so I was actually nodding off in Singapore...

And oh my gawd the vans they have there are so nice <3. Vans california reissue oil green canvas (what a name), I really wanted that but my mum said: " You've already got 5 pairs of shoes, why you need more?" Sien. No reason. I just shut up and left the shoez :'(.

Mmmm and the most annoying thing about visiting. "Ian you so handsome and tall now, you dating ah?"

"No aunty, not dating anyone yet la heh."

I dont hate answering that, but really... is quite frustrating sometimes to elaborate why im not dating even though I look absoloutely fab to the auntiez. I really havent fallen in 'love' with anyone since the starting of my second form 4, and really besides her I cant find anyone else that give's me that warm fuzzy feeling of being stupidly in love.

IDK why. It's just weird -__- , and after last year i've become even more emotionally dead. Walking in malls looking at random girls I just get bored. so. so. bored.

I think really the only way i'm going to ever start dating is if I ever cross paths with a girl that has the traits of a God loving mother, can make me laugh, and actually pursues me as much as i'd love to pursue her back... physically I dont have any criteria's whatsoever, as long as she's decent height and doesnt look like a truck.

So why haven't I bothered with dating aunty? Mmm. There you go. If I have to do majoritiy of the chasing, i'll only chase that special someone when I have a job and I intend to marry my last girlfriend :). Third time's the charm? Maybe. Lets see how 2012 goes!



Oh and i'm FINALLY going for my first trackday! Going with the lovely people from 4G1series peeps yo :). They're a bunch of 4G1-engined enthusiasts who know their way around a proton like a... mmm. brain surgeon knows his way around a brain :D. Friendly enough to invite me for trackday & even lend me a helmet, how can I say no? Feel free to sign up to their forum! Im sure they'll love the extra members :D.

Oh God its 6AM.

Err. Yes so thats an update on how i've been! See y'all around :3.