Life Can Be Weird.

Oh. so. weird.

It's been... 2 months? I think since the quarrel.

I'm officially outcast from my old 'gang' whoever hangs out with who anyways, and surprisingly it doesnt feel too bad!

I always had this mentality that they were my only friends, but wow. Life really can change, detour, whatever you wanna label it as, and suddenly old friends are popping up from all over the place.

Y'know I dont really care if they read this, because it reminds me of how cheap words are. That goes both ways on what I promised people and what they promise me, I never thought I would have ruined my friendship so bad with them, and I never thought they would leave me because I always was bombarded with "Brother mou?". Fuck your brother mou's la, they're for people that will never ever make you unhappy. I have finally come to realize that I, for myself, need to think a LOT before speaking, doing anything in particular because the lack of thinking has made me in such a situation. Also need to keep a mental memo that birds of the same feather flock together, no wonder when I cant deliver it goes vice versa.

All that bullshit of saying " you're like a brother, brother mou, brothers for life "... has no weight at all. IRONICALLY though, the people that I thought would never speak to me again in my life did, and have started contacting me out of the blue.

I find life very weird, and im very dissapointed at the poor choices i've made in my high school days. Have been warned by seniors, other people, but no I still decide to be ignorant and have lotsa fun. Its sad I cant take back time... but nevertheless this is still one of my BEST life lessons and probably the most HURTING. Yeah if you were wondering I still do have my emotions and I DID enjoy my time being with them but people change.

Heck before this everyone didnt hang out with each other, some of them didnt like other people of certain groups. Ironic right? But I guess thats what makes us humans, human, we judge on reputation.

I may have screwed up more than once but from now on I highly doubt i'll do this again, I dont really want to remember what has happened or who didnt like who because it makes me feel like i've been very unjustly accused, but then again my crap was more prominent than the rest so i'm guilty as charged.

This post will be here to remind me to shut my mouth more often, think, PRAY to God so that I wont live my life  thinking and most importantly, find friends that actually care & bother about me, like, really bother not just fucking yapping on how 'brotherly' we are and then dissapearing when I screw up.

I'm glad though that they're kind enough to forgive me (I hope, sincerly) so bless them for that. Really God, I have tons of reasons to be mad but I know I shouldnt because they're human and so am I, who am I to judge? They have fixed me so thank you for that if you're reading this, may somebody else better than I am fix them because clearly i'm not needed to them anymore, and my words hold no weight anymore. Trust takes a very long time to gain, but a second to lose. This saying couldnt summarize my mistake any better sadly. I dont blame anybody for leaving though, after all we all were a group that doesnt stay at home, listen to mommy and daddy go to church and be goodie 2 shoes. I DO want to be like that though, so its time for me to start cleaning up my act and have a 180 degree turn in who I am. I've also come to a point where i'm not as funny as I used to be, less vulgar, less energetic, poorer, uncool, basically im becoming someone entirely different hoho.

Thank you all though for whatever you've given me as a gift, box of golden lugnuts, a very lovely mixtape (CD) with cutesy words written all over it, letters when I still mattered in your life, the hugs, the countless repairs on my car, the yamcha sessions, heck even the Penang trip. If I never went i'd still be living life as an irritating douchebag so thank you all for fixing me up after. Thanks also for leaving me out all the time after finding new people to talk to, it made me realize how disposable a 'brother' is after he screws up, and how many more funnier more fun 'brother's are out there.

Now though I dont know actually who needs me around. Mmm. Life is very very weird. I wonder how college life will be... I just hope, and pray very very hard I dont get my life stuck in this same cycle where everynight I do nothing but make jokes, smoke a couple of shishas, call everyone bro then go home.

I want my life to be more than that. More fulfilling and in depth than that.