Why Should I Suffer?

Why should it be me. Every single day after that incident (go through my older posts and you'd surely be able to piece together this puzzle) I still struggle mentally to get over it. I still can not get over the fact that some people have the nerve to do that. I have dreamt of stabbing, kicking, chopping, fighting, running over with a car and a thousand ways of getting revenge at him, but when I wake I tell myself this isn't what God wants of me.
So back to the topic on why should it be me who suffers bad dreams? Interestingly enough, after reading the bible today the answer has surfaced. Whether its one that its hypothesis can be used, or it is very questionable, i'll blog it out anyway. God himself has suffered for other peoples sins, ignorance, and every other thing by getting nailed on a cross. It doesn't take a genius to understand where i'm going at, does it?

Christians are supposed to be 'images' of God, meaning we are supposed to live as he did, as close as possible. It is said in the bible where we will be hated for doing what is right, but suffering for other peoples ignorance & decisions, that I sincerely can not remember whether anything related is in the bible or not. Even though that, i'm not very surprised this incident has happened. After all I always have been very hard-hearted and what more to soften my heart than something that will harden it to its maximum? I feel like it is the ultimate test of my forgiveness, as I can claim I am a Christian, but if I do not love my brother in Christ, I do not love Christ because he is love.

Still though, theory is always easier said than done. I'm pretty sure God will deal with him sooner or later, but for now I should not be vengeful or anything. It sucks to have nightmares where there is blood everywhere and i'm the demon wielding the knife. I guess dreams amplify the depths of your soul, the deepest and darkest wants & wishes. Anyways wherever it goes, I hope this makes both of them wiser. I know it has made me a slight bit wiser, knowing for one never to tell anyone about a girl i'm chasing after. Especially not someone who doesn't give 2 fucks about other peoples emotions, and has thicker skin than you.

I have to learn to be much more discreet & private in everything I do.






IN OTHER NEWS THOUGH, MY SR20DET SWAP IS HALFWAY DONE. I shall update about that some other time when I feel like :).